goodbye for now ♥ .
i'll be back , i promise (:
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Han Meiting
Noveen
kaixinguo
19
7 November 1990
Republic Poly(DMTS)
kaixinguo.mt@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006 2:02 PM

my father
ur someone whom i wrote about in today's chinese compo, my eye tears when i wrote about it, but i stop it from rolling down cos i'm in sch. a week, 7days .. in exact how many days do i see u? do u really need to work so hard n say cos of us ur children tat u have to work so hard? u dun have to work so hard if u didnt lend ur money to those pig, dog friend who borrow in BIG bucks n not return. everytime we see each other, no happy words come out from ur mouth. ur always scolding n nagging. have u ever noe how i felt? u wont even have a chance to read wad my chinese compo today, cos u NEVER have e time. u always say i'm useless, i dun do this n tat. but WHERE R U when i do those? ur not here .. u have NO right to say me, because u DUN even do it ur self ..ur someone whom i DUN even wan to call: daddy anymore .. haven u notice its been ages since i called u tat?? no u dun, cos whenever we see each other, u start ur 'im ur father u have to listen to me' talks ..yes, ur e one who told me i am not fit to have ur sur name .. ur e one who told me i'm not ur daughter

my mother
ur someone whom i love dearly n would never wish to lose u ..i cried over ur frustration in life, i cried over ur saddness n disappointment in tat so called 'daddy' i used to called, i cried whenever ur eyes r red as if ur going to cry. my heart aches when i see how tired u r from working everynight, i tried to make u happy, yes i did. y heart aches when u say ur hand or leg is in pain, yes i help u massage, yes i did. i still do all this, i still cried because of those stupid dreams which will NEVER happen about u .. i still do all this even after u told me straight at my face, in front of my cousin 'ur god-son' tat u rather have him to be ur child den me.. i did nth, i listen to u when u told me to treat my cousins well, yes i did. ur biased towards e males, i noe how u yearn to have a son. i always listen to u, when it comes to me n those male cousin.. i told u my feelings, i vent my frustration on u of my 2nd sister when i really cannot bear anymore.. i tot u will help me, yes u did, u talk to her about it. but in e end wad i got? more scoldings from 2nd sister .. i listen to e things u said n do according, but do i get? scoldings from 2nd sister .. i cried, when 'daddy' and 2nd sister talk bad about u, yes i did. i need u more den any of them. but do u ever noe this? do u noe i wan to trust u again, but i dun dare. didnt u realise, its been ages since i told u about my problems?

my 2nd sister
u played wif me since young, ur e one whom i spend most time in my 15yrs of life. ur e one who noe wad is going on wif me, ur e one who noe wad i really need, ur e one who made me laugh .. but these happen when i'm young. since u start going university which is 5yrs ago? u changed, u totally changed .. u changed into someone whom i dunno, no longer understand, someone who doesnt spend those happy times wif me anymore. do u noe i didnt mean to make u angry always? do u noe i've been trying to reach how u wan me to be? i am not e study type, i am not. y do u always played wif me, den start to scold me all of a sudden? y r u always making me as if i'm a slave? u said cos i'm e youngest .. but doesnt tat mean u should help me instead of me helping u? whenever i've made mummy happy when she came back from work, we're laughing, joking, talking happily, u came home wif a black face n started scolding everyone, even ur father .. even ur mother, whose leg got a scar because of u when ur young? if ur someone who is happy n not always angry n frustrated, we would have been a much more happy family. whenever ur home, w/o u telling me to buy u food, i buy for u, y? its it cos i too much money? NO, cos i noe wad u wan eat, cos i noe ur favourites .. i've been listening to u since young, but have u set down n listen to me ONCE? not even once have u done it .. do u noe u give me e sense of security when we're overseas even wif relatives? w/o u, i'll be afraid.. cos i believe u will help me, protect me. 'daddy' n mummy say u, but i always help u .. yes u helped me, u treat me good .. but i have to payback .. y must u be so strict? y does studying in e uni makes u change? y ?? u took me to e neighbour hse and scold me because my primary 1 teacher called home n complain to u tat i didnt do his chinese homework.. u drag me to e neighbour n started scolding me infront of them. did u listen to my explanation? no!! i wanted to tell u, i cant write, i have difficulty writing wif e cast on my right elbow.. i hated u since den do u noe tat?

my family
family is said to give u warmth, somewhere for u to cry in, hide in, in times of fear .. but i dun think so .. where does my fear comes from? from my family .. does i even felt warmth in e family when everyday i reach home, wad i face is a coldness of e empty hse .. how do i find warmth, when e earliest i see u all everyday is 9pm? wad can we do in 2yrs? even on birthdays, we're not one family who is celebrating it.. i always say i dun wan go home when someone is at home .. actually deep in my heart i really wan to but i didnt, i rather stay outside .. y? because normally when i reach home, i'm like a maid again, i hear naggings .. i wan to tell u all how hurt i am cos of those 2 guys, but i dun dare. i wan to tell u all so many thing, but i find there is no chance n i have no courage to say it .. i wrote it at my room wall, didnt u all notice it? y didnt u all notice it? wad is FAMILY? Father And Mother I Love You .. doesnt it makes family?? i got this from i'm not stupid2 .. i really like e show, y? cos it reflects wad is really going on nowdays in most family ..a home, is somewhere for me to sleep, to keep my things .. it doesnt have other meaning ..and i did it once again, making my left wrist. once u all asked me about it, i lied saying something made me, but so many times u all notice, i gave e same ans, doesnt it seem weird? y do i make myself? there r ppl out there saying i'm crazy .. but i noe wad i am doing. does u all noe everytime i really cried in bed b4 sleep, cried myself to sleep .. its always about e family one its bout WS, once bout ******** .. but mostly is for this family, last night i cried again. i went to take e rusty penknife n make myself, e pain .. e pain is nice . y is it nice? cos i stop crying soon n i jus stare at e bright red blood .. e rusty penknife stained wif my blood n did another slit .. yes i didnt make it deep enough for me to die, if i have e courage to die, i've been dead when sec2 ..e pain is nice, i felt numb .. i only felt e pain from e cut n nth else .. i feel alseep soon w/o any feeling or knowing .. u all told me once to throw e penknife away cos its rusty but i kept it somewhere no one can find .. i need it, it helps me sleep in such night .. like ytd night ..


this morning woke up den faster bath n so on den meet chan, sorry miss e train. den she said around my eye there is red, n yes i noe y .. went to sch, had chinese test .. essay quite easy write but i scare i write out of point den den paper 2 i think i fail liao .. den went eat at banquet, had lots of fun .. ytd went century to eat wif dang den ytd had english paper, flunk also lah

durian is not green, its WHITE and it loves to EAT and its alot TOS


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