goodbye for now ♥ .
Thursday, January 24, 2008 10:11 AM
Just what the fuck is fucking wrong with my fucking sister and father!!!!!!! Can’t they just let me free!! My mum jus went for cruise, jus only left and they start their torturing!! They want to see people die den they happy is it!! Must I die so that they will be happy and stop this fucking torturing?!
Torturing me is not even, even wan torture my mum??!! Fucking old man start working for so many dam years yet always borrowing money from my mum and saying her stupid and idiot when she’s not around! His fucking daughter follow his footsteps by calling mum stupid but WORST! In front of mum!! Are they so fucking brainless that they dun even have a heart that they do all this?!
Why tat horny old man cant be good and dun make my mum pregnant with me so I wont be born in this freaking world! All their purpose of having me in this world is to torture me and to make my life miserable because they cannot do it to other people?!! What is it that they wan!!
They happy they do wad they wan, scold beat ask me do this n that when they got functioning legs and hands!! What are their legs and hands for when they dun even use it? only know how to open their super big mouth and their super duper loud voice and start to shout at me and order me around like a slave. Its my mum who is giving me my allowance not them, if order do thing, also only she can, because she is the one who give me money not them.
They home from work not happy not wadever they jus start their business by ordering me around and scolding me, using their freaking loud voice and throw their temper around regardless of who is older or sick! While me?? When I am not happy, I am angry or sad. All I can do is keep it inside me or vend It out thru msn with my friend or in game. I cant even do a thing to them nor do wad they do to me, because I will get it 2times or 3 times more worst!
They got legs and hands so do I. but why only can they order me around to do all those things when they themselves are sitting down and relaxing doing nothing? Only moving their big mouth. I learn from them but I sit in font og the computer instead of the tv, den I got it again from them.
Why they can do wad they wan while I can’t? I am human, they are also human!! Is it so fun to really torture someone like me! I used to go home late because I dun want to stay in the house because there cant be peace even for one day without quarrelling. I always go home late and then sleep. Without much communication with them. But after the fucking sister set the curfew thing, I start to go home early and hook on online games. Playing game let me jus ignore them and not talk to them which then less quarrels but why cant they jus fucking understand! Tat idiot keep say why I treat my eldest sis better den her, talk to my sis n ans but not her. Have she ever think of why?! Because her mood swings so fast and unknowingly! How will I ever dare to talk to her or play!
Awhile happy den suddenly angry and start scolding me already. Have they ever spare a thought for me! Does they even noe why tat idiot got the freaking sickness because of keeping things inside her while I dun when i am always enduring them?! Because I got my own way to let go my anger towards them! But they never know how and when! They both are jus some fucking creatures who don worth a single pity from me in future!
They always say I talk less to them, dun wan go out with them. Have they ever thought of what makes me do that? They always say its game, yes its partly but have they ever think of it themselves that they are the one who is making me isolate myself from them?
Always call me endure, endure. For how long? Till I really burst and do something silly? I’ve been keeping my tears to my pillow, myself and my room all these years and not letting it go anywhere else. Putting up a smile which I never knew if its true the next day and days to go to pretend and cover up that nothing had happen. So many years and I am still doing this. Haven’t they think of the solution yet or even change themselves?
Emotions really can make one do things which one had never do before. I hope my RJ can be like this long! I’m jus waiting for a chance to leave this family. Not once n for all. But leave and be myself, in my own comfort zone. In my own world with no such thing. In my own fantasy dreamland, how I yearn for it….
1.33am
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